We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
