Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
