Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Who died my cat blue again?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
