I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
