the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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