I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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