Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
