Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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