Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
