She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
