And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
