you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
