If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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