i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We have so much sex to catch up on
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
