I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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