sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
