im drinking this country out of the recession.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
