Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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