okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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