I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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