remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
