is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
