We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
