i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
