I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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