We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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