I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
