Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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