Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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