is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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