I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The feeling are messing with the penis
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
