you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
