Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
