My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
