yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
