Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
