Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
