she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Also, beer. Big fan.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
