i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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