so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You made out with two different species that night
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
