I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
