fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
