I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
not ubering you a puppy
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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