i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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