just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
