we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
