funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
