I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
