Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
