On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
