she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
