My Higher Power is John Stamos
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
