It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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