I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
