When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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