I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
