Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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