Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
