Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
